| 1 |
1 |
 |
Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
It’ll cost $20 billion to rebuild Iraq. At least half of it will come from selling Dale Jr. T-shirts in downtown Baghdad. |
| 2 |
5 |
 |
Matt Kenseth |
He’s started the season pretty much like Sterling Marlin did last year. He doesn’t talk like Sterling though. |
| 3 |
7 |
 |
Kurt Busch |
He’s a huge Cubs fan. If he had a choice between a World Series banner at Wrigley or a Winston Cup championship, well, he could always win the title next year. |
| 4 |
3 |
 |
Jeff Gordon |
Appeared on Channel One after his win at Martinsville. No word on whether he’s on Channel 11 this week. |
| 5 |
6 |
 |
Bobby Labonte |
No one has more top five finishes, which is a fancy, typical-media-extenuates-stats-to-make-them-sound-cool way of saying he’s tied with two other drivers with five each. |
| 6 |
4 |
 |
Jimmie Johnson |
Sports Illustrated was on his tail last weekend. No word on whether it was them who forced him into the wall on the final lap. |
| 7 |
2 |
 |
Elliott Sadler |
The team changed nearly everything on the car on Saturday, and it didn’t work at all on Sunday. But you should have seen Sadler after Happy Hour: two adorable kids, one five years old, one probably pushing six -- waddled up and meekly asked for autographs, and Sadler spent a good five minutes with them. |
| 8 |
14 |
 |
Sterling Marlin |
He's Dodge's best driver right now. |
| 9 |
8 |
 |
Kevin Harvick |
He won the late model feature at Mesa Marlin on Saturday night, meaning he ran three races this weekend. Unfortunately, only one was with Greg Biffle. |
| 10 |
20 |
 |
Rusty Wallace |
Heaven help Jeff Gordon if he’s leading Rusty by a car-length with one lap to go at Richmond. |
| 11 |
13 |
 |
Mark Martin |
That last-lap crash with Jimmie Johnson was a bummer. First he crashes with Jimmie Johnson at the start of the Talladega event last fall, now this. If history and geography are any indication, watch out for a mid-race collision between these two at Kansas. |
| 12 |
9 |
 |
Tony Stewart |
He threw out the first pitch at an Angels game. Unfortunately, he missed the Rally Monkey. |
| 13 |
11 |
 |
Ricky Craven |
NASCAR keeps holding all these races at sun-soaked tracks, and the boy still can’t get a tan. |
| 14 |
12 |
 |
Greg Biffle |
If he’s going to win this season, it’ll be on a short track. |
| 15 |
10 |
 |
Ryan Newman |
Only the Detroit Tigers suffered more in April. |
| 16 |
15 |
 |
Jeff Burton |
He faded in the closing laps in California, ending his top-10 streak at one. |
| 17 |
16 |
 |
Terry Labonte |
He’s got three straight top-15 finishes. He’s also got four straight top 16 finishes. And five straight finishes of 39th or better. |
| 18 |
18 |
 |
Michael Waltrip |
Crashed into water barrels the last time they went to Richmond. They aren’t bringing the same car to RIR this weekend – it isn’t dry yet. |
| 19 |
24 |
 |
Bill Elliott |
The forgotten man at Fontana -- the way he likes it. |
| 20 |
17 |
 |
Ricky Rudd |
Virginia driver, Virginia team, Virginia track. |
| 21 |
18 |
 |
Dale Jarrett |
New, flat logo! |
| 22 |
NR |
 |
Jamie McMurray |
It would have been pretty neat to see him win, but there’s no way he can ever top the Victory Lane celebration he had at Charlotte last October. |
| 23 |
23 |
 |
Robby Gordon |
If this Robby Gordon/John Andretti/Indy 500 soap opera is for real, then Richmond will have to issue credentials to the National Enquirer. |
| 24 |
24 |
 |
Kenny Wallace |
New reality series with Kenny Wallace! First episode: The No. 2 Dodge wins at Richmond. The winner gets out of the car – and FOX reveals that it’s actually Kenny behind the helmet. Monica Lewinsky jumps on roof to celebrate, falls through. Car fails post-race height requirement by three feet. Monica fined $500,000. |
| 25 |
NR |
 |
Ward Burton |
No, we’re not crazy. He’s slowly getting better, even though he’s been better at getting slow. |
