| 1 |
1 |
 |
Bobby Labonte |
Last winter, in a top-secret ritual held behind closed doors at Joe Gibbs Racing, his bad luck was traded for Tony Stewart’s good luck. |
| 2 |
3 |
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Matt Kenseth |
Dude, we know you’re mad about the fact NASCAR called the race at 9:30. But let’s face it. It was almost your bedtime. |
| 3 |
2 |
 |
Kurt Busch |
He signed a long-term extension with Rubbermaid/Sharpie last week. One of the sticking points in the deal was his sponsor’s insistence to put their logo on the backside of his firesuit. You know, in case he has another run-in with Jimmy Spencer at Indy. |
| 4 |
5 |
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Jimmie Johnson |
He also signed a contract extension. It was a big week for contract extensions. Charlotte week always is. What? You thought sponsors enjoy announcing extensions before a pair of media members at Martinsville? |
| 5 |
6 |
 |
Jeff Gordon |
The Army and MIT are working together to create “super soldiers.” Jeff Gordon should have been a consultant on this whole project. You’d have soldiers climbing out of the tank and saying, “Woooooooo! You know, what an Army. That tank was awesome today.” |
| 6 |
4 |
 |
Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
He got into a confrontation with a crewman from Kevin Harvick’s team. After the race, Dale Jr. fired himself and was replaced by Steve Park. |
| 7 |
9 |
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Sterling Marlin |
He said after the race that he was going to go drink some Coors Light. Good old Sterling. He’s like the cool uncle you never had. It will definitely be a sad day when this man –- and Jimmy Spencer -- retires. |
| 8 |
7 |
 |
Kevin Harvick |
From the Goodwrench commercial: “I am holding the clipboard here, Harvick.” If Goodwrench really wants a cool commercial, they’d show Harvick breaking the clipboard over that guy’s head. That would make people go out and buy some parts. |
| 9 |
10 |
 |
Rusty Wallace |
Not sure what made him more angry: The rain that cost him a top-10, or the media member that jumped in his face and said, “So Rusty! Another winless week! Does it get frustrating?” |
| 10 |
17 |
 |
Ryan Newman |
Students rioted and looted at Purdue University following news that he’d actually finished the Coca-Cola 600. |
| 11 |
11 |
 |
Michael Waltrip |
CBS is canceling Touched by an Angel. They are replacing it with a show starring Michael Waltrip called Touched by a Sponsor. |
| 12 |
12 |
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Jeff Burton |
He’s slowly -- no pun intended -- approaching the top 10 in the standings. |
| 13 |
13 |
 |
Terry Labonte |
He’s scored two straight finishes of 21st or better. In a groundbreaking study, scientists at Harvard University are using Terry’s 2003 stats to see if you’re a positive thinker or a negative thinker. If you’re a positive thinker, well, that’s two straight finishes in the top 25. If you’re a negative thinker, well, that’s two straight finishes out of the top 20. |
| 14 |
8 |
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Mark Martin |
When questioned by the Harvard scientists, he replied, “Why, that’s two straight finishes out of the top 20.” |
| 15 |
19 |
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Joe Nemechek |
Did you see his mom’s new jacket bragging about her son’s third Winston Cup win? Good thing Kurt Busch’s mom doesn’t do that. She’d go broke. |
| 16 |
16 |
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Tony Stewart |
He needs a good old-fashioned full-blown controversy with the media to get his season back on track. |
| 17 |
14 |
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Elliott Sadler |
He wrecked his favorite race car again. Pretty soon Robert Yates is going to say, “Now Elliott, if you can’t play with your favorite toy properly, we’ll just take it away.” |
| 18 |
15 |
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Ricky Craven |
Harvard scientists are also currently studying Elliott Sadler Disease, or fear of the number 38. Ricky Craven is a current victim. His last two races: Qualified 38th, finished 38th. And he turned 37 last week, which means he’s in his 38th year now. |
| 19 |
20 |
 |
Greg Biffle |
His return to the Busch Series was short-lived. Kind of like Casey Atwood’s. |
| 20 |
21 |
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Robby Gordon |
He probably won’t be going back to the Indy 500. He got tired of all the Indy Car drivers asking him what they have to do to get rides in NASCAR. |
| 21 |
24 |
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Ward Burton |
He’s only five points behind Stewart for 20th place in the standings. Don’t expect Stewart to give up the spot without a fight. |
| 22 |
NR |
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Jimmy Spencer |
An earthquake rocked the area around Sonoma last week. That wasn’t an earthquake. That was Spencer testing for next month’s race. |
| 23 |
25 |
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Dale Jarrett |
He got his first top 10 since February. If history is to be believed, look for his third top 10 of the year to come around Labor Day. |
| 24 |
19 |
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Bill Elliott |
He was 26th in the Coca-Cola 600 and really finished the month on the wrong foot. |
| 25 |
22 |
 |
Ricky Rudd |
Ricky Mudd! |