| 1 |
4 |
 |
Bobby Labonte |
How did FOX convince Fatback to paint his face? Promise him a case of snuff? |
| 2 |
1 |
 |
Ryan Newman |
What was that engine made of? Magnesium? |
| 3 |
2 |
 |
Tony Stewart |
If you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair. You're gonna meet some gentle people there. With tape recorders. |
| 4 |
3 |
 |
Matt Kenseth |
New reality series: MKK: Make Kenseth Kackle. If you can make him laugh, win $1 million! On the final episode, he finally laughs – when he passes Dale Jr. on the final lap. |
| 5 |
6 |
 |
Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
He wasn’t too happy when Kenseth passed him on the final lap. But he won the $1 million for making Kenseth laugh, so it wasn’t a total loss. |
| 6 |
5 |
 |
Jeff Gordon |
Go switch cars with Brett Bodine instead of Juan Montoya, dude. Now that would be interesting. |
| 7 |
8 |
 |
Kurt Busch |
Kurt's the only Kurt Busch in the state of North Carolina, and only about a couple dozen guys named Kurt Busch live in the United States. And only one of those have won six of the 18 Winston Cup races. |
| 8 |
8 |
 |
Sterling Marlin |
Missed shifts happen to the best drivers at some point, Sterling. Especially when you’re over 40. Luckily, there a new pill that….. |
| 9 |
8 |
 |
Jimmie Johnson |
In contrast, there are 17 Jimmie Johnsons in the state of North Carolina alone. Got to be a bad time to be one of those guys when they have to use their driver’s license. “Oh, like the NASCAR driver!” “Yes, (rolls eyes) like the NASCAR driver.” |
| 10 |
14 |
 |
Michael Waltrip |
He hasn’t had a finish worse than 27th this year. Then again, this is a road course event, so there’s always hope. |
| 11 |
10 |
 |
Mark Martin |
He will win one of the next four races. Write it down. In invisible ink. |
| 12 |
12 |
 |
Terry Labonte |
"Not so fast, Nemechek. I’m the No. 3 guy around here. And don’t you forget it." |
| 13 |
11 |
 |
Rusty Wallace |
He’s the top Dodge in the standings. Bet you didn’t know that. Larry Foyt is the lowest Dodge in the standings. Bet you did know that. |
| 14 |
17 |
 |
Jeff Burton |
His sponsor’s bailing on him. C’mon, Viagra! Go to a two-car team! Offer 99-pill samples! |
| 15 |
16 |
 |
Ricky Craven |
Side effects of a late wreck at Michigan with Greg Biffle include frequent cursing, fatigue, explosiveness and trouble sleeping. Most symptoms are similar to sugar pill and be moderate to heavy. |
| 16 |
13 |
 |
Elliott Sadler |
How come you’re so much taller than Hermie? Did he not like milk? |
| 17 |
15 |
 |
Kevin Harvick |
He’s pretty good at Sonoma. Just ask Robby Gordon. |
| 18 |
18 |
 |
Robby Gordon |
“Hey Robby, Harvick’s pretty good at Sonoma, right?” “Darn straight. I never could get around that guy in 2001.” |
| 19 |
25 |
 |
Jeremy Mayfield |
Four straight weeks of improvement! But watch out – road block, er, course – ahead! |
| 20 |
23 |
 |
Jamie McMurray |
Right turn, Clyde! |
| 21 |
19 |
 |
Ward Burton |
He might part of the Pontiac camp next year. “Lord help us” will become, “Ward help us.” |
| 22 |
22 |
 |
Bill Elliott |
Let’s see, broken foot. Sonoma. Right turns. Plenty of pain. |
| 23 |
19 |
 |
Greg Biffle |
Imagine the relief he must have felt when it was Ricky Craven – and not Kevin Harvick – coming to yell at him after the race. |
| 24 |
21 |
 |
Joe Nemechek |
His record at Sonoma is similar to Jimmy Spencer’s. And no, that’s not encouraging. |
| 25 |
NR |
 |
Todd Bodine |
No, this is not a belated April Fool’s Joke. He’s been running really well. But don’t tell anyone, ok? |
